How superficial can the world be? As superficial as the smile on a model's face posing for an advertisement? Superficiality is torturing me. When people I consider as closest to my heart are actually the ones who are most distant, I feel like standing in the middle of a cold desert, in the midst of a dead silent ocean, in a room with pitch black darkness..
Writing someone's initials on a hand and showing it to the person that how much I care about him, is just a juvenile way of expressing love, but then so pure. I was reciprocated, loved and mailed for a while only to be cut loose now, hanging by the strands of a relationship I tried to forge when in fact none existed. I am just waiting for it to become my noose someday.
Serendipity has its beauty and its ugly side too. I got her in my phone by chance and became attached by choice, even got attracted only to be bored with it. But then I assumed we were good friends, friends at least if not good. Calling every week to be answered by the voice was bliss, never being called at was disappointment, but now, it bears down upon me like a weight I myself let loose on my shoulders, and now, they are aching.
An insidious onset, rapidly progressive term is used for an acute onset 'illness'. After two years I might call it just that. I came to know her, talked to her, opened my heart to her only to be suspended in a state of confused animation. The silence of the last couple of months froze hard whatever ice we could melt in the last two years. And revelation as it dawned, I realized, I was fossilized in that ice.
And then there are those who are everyday friends. The ones I live day in and out with. Allegedly, they are the ones who know the most about me but sadly they are also the ones with whom I may be the most distant. Sharing the joys and sorrows, love and hatred might have been with them but then the most deepest of emotions are seldom let out through the fragile walls of my mind and heart.
And all this, a product of the superficiality. When the world as it appears is not what it actually is, you know that is reality. It is and it is a fact. And very few disappoint me to that end. But then I have learned to live like that and I guess I will carry on too but tonight as I write this, a darkness descends..
I think writing someone's initials on your hand and showing them is not juvenile, it's a passionate action which only someone like you can have the guts to take. The most wonderful thing about you in all these years has been your capacity to express yourself so powerfully whether it's in writing or music. And if you empty out all your feelings in front of one person and that person doesn't give a damn, it's their loss and their extreme stupidity.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to see my brother stressing out over extremely stupid people.
And your everyday friends, if I may be counted as one of them, may not ALWAYS have the time to share the deepest of your emotions, but they are there when it matters, and you should know they are more important in your life than people who turn away when you go to them and come back only when they need their own consolation...
you are not an "everyday friend" my dear! aap alag ho!
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